For years, I’ve gone back and forth: are conflicts good or bad? When two people have different opinions or needs, there’s a good chance a conflict will arise. Today, I feel more certain that conflict is a necessary and valuable part of both human life and child development. It can actually be beneficial.
But arriving at this understanding wasn’t easy for me. I had spent so much energy trying to avoid conflict that it took real effort to shift my thinking and behavior. These days, I try to remind myself:
“Every conflict is a door to new opportunities and ideas.”
When conflict shows up in the classroom, I do my best to step in gently and guide the children through it. Sometimes things unfold in a familiar way, and other times, I find myself surprised. I’d love to share one of those moments with you.
Opening a Zoo
(Children are 4 years old)
Hannah was playing at the Sensory Table in the Orchard yard, carefully creating a turtle parade. Sara walked over and reached for one of the turtles.
Hannah: “No!!!”
Teacher Kira: “I see Sara came to play with the reptiles too…”
Hannah: “But I am making a PARADE!!!”
Teacher Kira: “I see. Would you like to tell Sara which animals are available?”
Hannah: “Yes, the lizards are available.”
Nathan then approached the Sensory Table.
Teacher Kira: “Oh! Nathan wants to see what we’re doing.”
Nathan: “What are you doing?”
Hannah didn’t respond.
Teacher Kira: “I think Hannah is making a parade with turtles, but the lizards are available.”
Nathan: “But I need turtles!!!”
Hannah stayed quiet and covered the turtles with her hands.
Teacher Kira: “I see. It looks like Hannah is still using them.”
Nathan picked up the lizards.
Nathan: “Okay, the lizards will be my pets.”
Susie came to the table and quickly grabbed a sparkly lizard. She looked at Hannah for a reaction.
Hannah: “NO!!” (grabs the lizard from Susie’s hands)
Susie: “Thank you, Hannah! This sparkly lizard was about to sting my skunk and you saved him.”
Susie smiled.
Hannah hesitated for a moment, then smiled back at her.
Mike came to the table.
Mike: “Can I play with you, Hannah?”
Hannah: “NO!!! I’m busy with my animals!”
Mike took two lizards and went off to start a game with Nathan. A little later, the two of them returned.
Mike: “Can we have a couple of those reptiles?”
Hannah: “Okay.”
They took some frogs and snakes and walked away.
Nathan soon returned to ask about the turtles.
Nathan: “Can I take just a couple more?” (points to two turtles)
Hannah: “NO!!!”
Hannah reached toward Nathan and accidentally poked him in the eye.
Teacher Kira (placing her hand gently between them): “I won’t let you hurt Nathan. You can tell him ‘no’ or ‘I’m not done.’”
Hannah: “The turtles will be available in 25 minutes.”
Nathan: “No!!! That’s too long! Teacher Kira, 25 minutes is too long, right?”
Teacher Kira: “What’s your suggestion, Nathan?”
Nathan: “I suggest 4 minutes.”
Hannah: “How about we count to 25? That’s not too long!”
Nathan: “Let’s count to 4?”
Hannah: “No! To 25!”
Nathan: “Let’s count to 100?”
We explored some number ideas but couldn’t reach an agreement.
Suddenly, with a bright smile, Hannah said: “I know! I have another idea: how about if we play TOGETHER?”
Nathan: “I like that idea!”
Just as we were about to get started, we realized that Nathan actually wanted to take a few animals up on the structure and play by himself.
While we were talking about the plan, Nathan quickly grabbed two animals and ran up the structure.
Hannah: “I have an idea!”
She removed the entire bin from the Sensory Table, placed all the remaining animals inside, and climbed the ladder to join Nathan at the top.
Nathan helped Hannah carry the bin. Together, they organized a zoo. They acted out different animals and lined them up.
Nathan passed each animal to Hannah one by one, pretending to be that animal.
Nathan: “Hannah, I want to be in your zoo!”
“I want to be in your zoo!”
“I want to be in your zoo!”
More children joined in.
Eventually, Hannah passed all the animals back to Nathan.
Nathan: “Hannah, thank you for playing with us.”
They both smiled.
Read, enjoy, laugh, discuss, question, think, and grow!
Let me know if you need more information about RIE® Parent-Infant Guidance™ Classes.
Wishing you all the best in this difficult yet exciting journey of parenting!
Warmly,
Teacher Kira
