Here’s the situation: My child, 4 years old, values routine and predictability immensely. The issue? They’ve outgrown many of their toys but refuse to part with them. While they now play with more age-appropriate toys, their “baby” toys (favorites from when they were under 3 years old) remain, taking up space. Any attempt to remove or replace them ends in tears and protests about how important the old toys are. Meanwhile, the new toys keep finding space… on the floor, shelves, or wherever they can fit. This is not sustainable. How can I encourage them to say goodbye to their “baby” toys?

Common Suggestions (and Why They May Not Work)

1. Hide the toys while your child isn’t looking.
   While tempting, this approach undermines trust and can lead to heightened anxiety. Children need to feel secure in their environment and relationships.
2. Donate to younger children, shelters, or hospitals.
   This can be a great idea, but only if your child feels genuinely ready to part with the toys. Otherwise, it risks instilling guilt: “If I don’t give my toys away, I’m selfish or unkind.”
3. Wait for your child to outgrow them naturally.
   This is often the gentlest route, but excessive clutter in a child’s space can create sensory overload, reduce focus, and hinder independent play.

What Can You Do Instead?

1. Understand the Behavior
   Ask yourself: what need is being fulfilled by holding onto these toys? Often, this resistance reflects a child’s way of managing anxiety or maintaining a sense of stability. Begin by addressing those underlying needs.
   • Games for Relaxation: Play activities that alternate between tension and relaxation, like “Cooked/Raw Pasta,” “Broken Doll,” “Save the Bird,” or “Grow into the Earth.”
   • Breathing Games: Try blowing bubbles, “blowing a feather,” or keeping a balloon in the air.
   • Sensory Integration Games: Encourage awareness of surroundings with “I see, I hear, I smell, I feel” games.

Introduce predictable routines, such as a daily schedule, that the child can influence. Once they feel secure in the routine, slowly introduce small surprises to help them adapt to changes.

2. Reflect on Additional Needs
   Consider whether the resistance stems from a lack of autonomy or control. Are there areas where the child hears too many “no”s or “don’t touch”? Increasing opportunities for choice and independence can reduce their need to control their toys.

3. Create a More Efficient Storage System
   Make it easy to put items away. Avoid common mistakes like:
   • Items that don’t fit well in the box, require a game of Tetris.
   • Lids that are difficult to open.
   • Storage containers that are hard to reach.

4. Start with Yourself
   Model the process by decluttering your own belongings. Narrate your thought process as you sort items into categories: things to keep, things to donate, and things to store for later. This sets a powerful example for your child to follow.

Ask yourself: how often does your child get an opportunity to see you letting go of your items?

5. Involve Your Child
   Begin by organizing toys they actively play with. Use attractive bins or shelves to make these toys easily accessible. Gradually move to the less-used items, letting your child help to decide what to store, keep for memory, or give away.

Start by simply boxing up “baby toys” without discussing permanent removal. Over time, these toys can transition to storage or donation.

6. Document the Journey
   Take “before and after” photos of the play area. Create a special album with your child, showcasing the transformation.

7. Create a Social Story
   Write a story about their favorite toy’s journey and turn it into a collaborative book. Alternatively, you can craft a story about toys the child loved as a baby, complete with photos.

8. Embrace the Tears
   It’s natural for children to feel sadness when saying goodbye to beloved items. Your role is to validate their feelings, guide them through the process, and remain confident in your decision. A firm yet empathetic parent can provide reassurance that change is manageable.

Final Thoughts

Respecting your child’s perspective today lays the foundation for self-respect and empathy in the future. As parenting expert Lyudmila Petranovskaya reminds us: “To ensure your child grows up grounded in your values, focus on building a secure and trusting relationship. Then, no matter where life takes them, your influence will remain strong.”

Share your experiences and thoughts!

Let me know if you need more information about RIE® Parent-Infant Guidance™ Classes.

Wishing you all the best in this difficult yet exciting journey of parenting!

Warmly,
Kira