Children can become overstimulated more easily – and more often – than we might expect. Over-stimulation often leads to unwanted behaviors.
What’s happening? A child’s brain defaults to behaviors they’ve used before in similar situations. When a child is tired, overwhelmed, or stressed, it’s hard for them to use logic to make a wise decision or choose an appropriate response.
Understanding Motor Plans
Our brains use something called a motor plan – a kind of internal action map that tells the body what to do. These motor plans don’t go through the logical, thinking part of the brain. Instead, they’re built through repetition.
At first, we have to think carefully to perform a new action. But over time, the brain creates a shortcut: it stops needing to think it through and just follows the familiar path.
A Real-Life Example
My friend and colleague, Katya Krylova, often shares this story:
She and her husband moved into a new home. After a few months, she decided to switch the contents of two kitchen drawers – one for utensils and the other for Ziploc bags.
For more than two weeks, she found herself opening the old utensil drawer out of habit. Her husband took even longer to adjust. Even though they both knew where the utensils were, their brains kept following the old plan. 🗺️ The motor plan was stronger than logic.
How This Relates to Children
When we explain what’s “right” or “wrong,” we’re speaking to a child’s logical brain. But in the heat of the moment, when emotions are high, they’re not operating from that part of the brain.
They fall back on the motor plans that have worked before. These actions are automatic. They’re not conscious choices—they’re impulses.
From the outside, it might look like the child is being willful, but often it’s just their brain following the path it knows best.
The Skiing Analogy
Imagine a skier on a mountain.
- The first time you ski, it’s like moving through fresh snow—slow, careful, and uncertain.
- The more often you take that route, the more packed the snow becomes.
- Eventually, it becomes a smooth, fast track—easy to follow without thinking.
That’s how a motor plan works.
Creating a new plan is like skiing through untouched snow. It takes more effort and intention. Even when a new trail exists, most people will still take the familiar one—unless something forces them to change direction.
So, How Do We Help Children Build New Motor Plans?
We need calm, kind, and confident adults who can step in:
- Block an action
- Slide a hand in between
- Hold a child with presence and support
Then we:
🧘♀️ Regulate first → 🤝 Relate second → 🧠 Reason last
When a child doesn’t feel threatened or defensive, they can access their logical brain and remember other strategies.
Practical Ways to Support New Motor Plans
We can also help by:
- Talking when the child is calm and their logical brain is online
→ Ask: “What do you think would help next time?” - Drawing—before and after—to help them visualize the experience
- Reconnecting through play, with no agenda. Play helps release stress and resets the nervous system
- Finding alternative actions that serve a similar purpose. Example: singing or eating instead of thumb-sucking. Squeezing a toy instead of pinching. (It’s not always easy to insert a new action, but even trying starts to shift the pattern.)
- Creating reminders without words. A secret signal or a gentle touch that brings awareness without confrontation
Be Patient—It Takes Time
It takes time and consistent support to rewire old patterns. But with patience and presence, it does get easier, often within a couple of weeks.
Creating a new ski trail doesn’t mean the old one disappears right away. But with enough practice, the fresh snow becomes the new path of least resistance.
If you’d like to learn more about RIE® Parent-Infant Guidance™ Classes, feel free to reach out.
Wishing you all the best in this difficult yet exciting journey of parenting!
Warmly,
Teacher Kira
